i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
