dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
