If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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