idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
