there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
