so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You dont lie about slip and slides
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
