You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
