return my video game
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How's work?
Spinning.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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