Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this will be a night to untag.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
