That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
