no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
