Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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