I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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