We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
