I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
