Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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