Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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