I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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