I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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