I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Boobs are out for the taking
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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