I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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