I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
