Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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