if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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