we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
