At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
