My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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