Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
