I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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