whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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