shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
