Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize