It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
