I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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