I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
