wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
