she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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