I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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