I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
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You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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