MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
