he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
