My sheets look like a crime scene.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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