so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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