Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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