Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
