And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
