Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
