its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't deserve a penis
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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