My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
