Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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