just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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