Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
