Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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