you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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