I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize