If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
