Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
