Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
