my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
