just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
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Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?