Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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