At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
