I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
