New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
