Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
