it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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