Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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