She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
